It's strange how everything you think you know can be changed in an instant. Every feeling you have, replaced with something new. Something shinier, maybe. Hopefully, maybe.
Surrounded by bad music and tourists in scarves and fanny packs, I can barely speak to them today. My thoughts have been temporarily lodged in four hours a night ago. Hours passed between then and now. All I think is those four. It's strange.
How one phone call can ruin a night, a week, the rest of your life. How laughter sounds a lot like choked sobs, sometimes.
One phrase. And the best day is now the worst, is now the one day you'll dread. It could be your moment of clarity, except all you figured out is that you've been tricked again. That Life, that sadistic bitch, has led you on. She has poked and prodded you and given you false hope. She's got a loaded gun to your head and a smile that could kill you first. So ironic, in a sense.
How you can be planning your dying mother's funeral one day and burying your son the next.
They say that you should live each day to its fullest. That it can disappear before you have time for it to flash before your eyes. So what happens if your life disappears before you die? If it's flashing before your eyes and you don't have control over any of it, over anything?
Blink. It's already gone.
This is depressing. But my brain and my heart are elsewhere, hours away, with the person I'm closest to and his son. 19. Dead. It only takes a second and everything you thought you knew about your life is a mushroom cloud in the distance. Is cold and stiff. Etched marble and a prayer in place of a future.
Life, you whore.
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